So in love
by blackvelvetwisteria
Summary: Caius and Aro's relationship has been struggling for centuries now. So what happens when Caius gives up on his mate, and the love they once shared?


**Disclaimer- I don't own any of the Volturi, sadly enough. Though I'm quite thankful not to own the pack or the Cullens. **

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><p><em>Strange dear, but true dear, when I'm close to you dear, the stars fill the sky, so in love with you, am I, even without you, my arms fold about you, you know darling why, so in love with you, am I, in love with a night mysterious, the night when you first were there, in love with my joy, delirious, when I knew that you could care, so taunt me, and hurt me, deceive me, desert me, I'm yours 'til I die, so in love, so in love, so in love with you my love am I, so taunt me, and hurt me, deceive me, desert me, I'm yours 'til I die so in love, so in love, so in love with you my love, am I.<em>

_So In Love - Kiss Me Kate_

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><p>Another day, yet again. Another hour passed, waiting for you. You promised you would give me a chance. And you did, for a little while. But now you've pulled away from me, from us. Was it something I did? No, you would tell me if it was. You wouldn't go out of your way to avoid me, wouldn't ignore me in council.<p>

Or is it the thought of us? The thought that maybe we could work, could survive when you two didn't? Are you scared of that? Or are you disgusted by me, now that you know what I managed so skillfully to hide? Is that why you turn from me, flinch at my touch? Because you know what I wish? Because you know I pray for you to return my love? You, the only person to truly see me, not my anger or my pain.

Just talk to me, just once. Please. Please Aro. I can't help my feelings, though wish I could. I didn't choose for you to be my mate. I didn't choose to fall for you the minute I saw you. If you don't want to try, then don't. It's fake, and it'll only breed more pain.

I know you won't look at me like you looked at her. I know that. But I can't take this anymore. I'm sorry I'm not what you want, I'm sorry for wishing for the impossible. I'm sorry that when I close my eyes I see you. I'm sorry for loving you.

I'm so tired of this Aro, I am. It didn't used to be like this. Do you remember? Back when Marcus and Didyme had just met, millennia ago now, you would look me in the eye and smile. You told me once you loved me.

But that was before Sulpicia. Before you found a woman who met your requirements. Who was quiet, shy, timid, and delicate. Who wouldn't care what you did, who it hurt. Not like me. I would argue over the smallest thing, beg you not to run certain campaigns.

Could that be it? Do you blame me for her death? I know Marcus blames me for Didyme's death. Do you blame me for Sulpicia's? You meant it then, when you told me it should have been me, not her. You've always meant it. Both of you. I'm not perfect.

I'm too brash, too loud, too cruel. I'm everything neither of the girls were. I'm sorry for that too. I'm down on my knees Aro, just look at me. I can't remember the last time you looked at me. Acknowledged me, even.

I'm still here, even if they aren't. But I won't be for much longer. I love you. I always have, and always will. I'm sorry I'm not what you want. It's killing me to stay here though. So I'm leaving. Don't worry, I know the coven is better without me. Everything is. I'm poison, cold and unfeeling while I kill. You don't need that.

I doubt this will have much meaning for you, hell you probably won't even read this. Just toss it into the fireplace. But on the off chance you do? Well, I'm going home. I can't stay where I'm not wanted. I'm sorry.

Caius

P.S. If you want to talk to me, I'll listen. I promise.

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><p>Aro stared at the letter uncomprehendingly. He'd given up trying to get the words to make sense. His mind was blank. Caius…..had left. He'd left the coven, left Aro. His eyes stung with unshed tears. Caius, his stability, his constant, had left him. He knew he'd been shutting down lately, he knew he'd brushed Caius off a few times, forgotten dates that had been set for months. But to have pushed him away to the point where he felt the need to leave? No. He couldn't, wouldn't believe that.<p>

But the proof was right there in the form of a letter, Caius's familiar scrawl messier than usual. He choked out a sob, grief and guilt overwhelming him. He didn't bother with his desk chair, curling up on the floor. He cried until his throat was raw, quiet shuddering sobs shaking his body. All he could think about was how Caius was right. He'd ignored his true mate until Caius felt the need to beg for even a scrap of Aro's attention. That should never have been necessary. Never. He'd been so broken after his wife's death, and Caius had patiently taught him how to live again. How to love again.

No. No, Aro wasn't letting go like this. Caius meant everything to him. There was no way in bloody fucking hell Aro was doing a Bella Swan. He sat up, swallowing his sobs. He traced Caius's signature gently. Aro closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He cast his mind back, looking for Caius's home. The memory rose up, and he felt new grief as he realized how badly Caius had to be hurting to leave. The Caius in his memory was bright, happy. That was a good memory too, one full afternoon they'd spent devoted to one another.

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><p><em>Sunlight beamed straight down into the secluded rose garden. Caius laughed, shifting from his spot in the shade to stand in the sun. "Come join me! There's no one to see us here." He was grinning widely, his dark ruby eyes laughing at Aro. He was so beautiful, his snowy hair nearly blinding in the sun, like a halo. He had his arms spread out wide, face turned up to the sky.<em>

_His walls were down. It was a rare, unguarded moment for the ancient. Aro didn't need to breathe, If he had his breath would have caught. He stood as well, walking into the sun before wrapping his arms around his mate. Caius leaned back against him, humming a waltz softly. He twisted in Aro's grip, wrapping his lovers arms around his waist. Beaming, Caius put his arms around Aro's neck. He looked up at him, eyes so beautifully young in a way no one thought possible. "Dance with me?"_

_His human age was showing. Caius had been turned at seventeen, young and idealistic. In that moment Aro doubted he would have refused his mate anything. "Of course, il mio amore." Caius beamed impossibly wider at the endearment. He hummed a song as they swayed gently, resting most of his weight in Aro's arms. He had no idea how long they stayed like that, revolving in that tiny sunlight patch._

_But eventually Caius pulled Aro down to the ground and curled up against him. "Did you know that my mother thought boys shouldn't dance? She always said that no boy on San Domenica would ever need to know how. She was wrong, but still." Aro smiled as his mate chattered on about his mother and sisters. He loved listening to Caius talk._

_He shifted, stretching his legs and gently encouraging Caius to lie down in his lap. Caius closed his eyes, laying down. His hair fanned out across Aro's lap. Aro used one hand to stroke his lovers hair. Caius had taken hold of the other one and was alternating between holding his fingers against Aro's palm and playing with Aro's fingers. They stayed like that until Marcus sent Jane to retrieve them for council._

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><p>San Domenica. Caius's home. Aro stood, the images of his mate then and now in stark contrast. They were a painful contrast on their own, more so for Aro knew the difference was solely his fault. He'd hurt Caius when he'd shut down. He went to find Marcus, determined to make things right with his mate. But first he wanted to know if Caius still considered him his mate.<p>

"Enter." Aro opened the door to his elder brothers rooms. He loved Marcus, but despaired for him. It was always painful to see him. All of his pain was etched on his face. It reminded Aro of how he himself had been, before Caius had healed him. Marcus stood immediately upon his entrance, concern and worry warring with anger. "He came to see you." Aro didn't need to touch his brother to see that.

"Yes, he did. How could you do this to him? He's always been there, always waited for you. Even now, with his heart in pieces he still loves you. He still wants you." His eyes flashed. "You pushed him aside and treated him like crap for years Aro. Years! He's done everything he could think of to remind you of his love. Yet you never noticed, never listened! When he came to me before he left he was broken. Broken, Aro. By you. And yet your bond to him is still just as strong as it was those first days. You had better be planning on making this right because I will tear your ungrateful, cold-hearted, stubborn as fuck head off myself if you aren't!"

Aro squared his shoulders, looking his brother straight in the eye. "Marcus, I know. Okay?! I know I fucked up. He was the best thing to happen to me and I still managed to ruin him. But I'm sorry if I ever gave you the impression I wouldn't fight for him. I'm NOT letting him go. I love him, Marcus! God help me, I love him. And I'm stopping at nothing to get him back." Marcus studied his brothers face, looking for something. Whatever he found, he approved of.

"He still wants to be your mate. He still loves you. You know where to find him, now go before I drag you there." Marcus didn't have to say another word. Within seconds Aro had cleared the ten mile radius surrounding Volterra, heading northeast up to a tiny inlet island no one remembered. Well, almost no one.

Aro stood in front of a small cottage. It was Caius's. The tiny little thing looked directly out of a dream. He'd heard about it once, from Caius as he described needing privacy in a place where privacy didn't exist. The letter was clutched tightly in his hand. There were so many misconceptions in it, though looking back on his behavior it wasn't hard to see why those misconceptions existed in the first place. He'd shut down as a deterrent to old memories, nasty things that surfaced when he was stressed. Unfortunately shutting down meant he pushed people away as a reflex. Steeling himself, he stepped forward, walking until he was in front of the door. Then before his nerve could fail him he called out softly for his mate.

"Caius? I know you're in there. Come talk to me. Please." He watched the door nervously. A small part of his brain noted that only Caius could truly get an emotional reaction out of him. The larger part was more focused on the figure now standing in the doorway. All the negative emotions he'd been holding back hit him immediately. Caius looked his age, a millennia of worry and hate and misery etched on his face. He looked tired too, miserable and diminished in a way that made Aro's heart clench painfully. His fault. It was his fault his mate looked like this. But even with all the pain he'd put Caius through, his mate's eyes still lit up when he saw Aro. That in itself might have been worse, the fact that Caius would take shit and beg for more, as long as Aro was the one dealing it.

"Aro? Do you want to talk?" His voice was small, weary and hurt. Aro dropped the letter, reaching out to cup Caius's cheek in his palm. The white haired ancient smiled thinly, placing his hand over Aro's. "I do still love you. I can't stop loving you, even if I tried. But I'm not going to watch you not care. I'm not going to stay and try to make something work when it obviously died a long time ago, I can't" His words were cut off by a desperate kiss from Aro.

"I love you, Caius. God, I love you. I wish I knew how to express it better, I wish I'd made you feel loved when you were with me. I wish so many things, but wishing never got anyone anywhere. Please. I owe you an explanation, and so much more. I'm so sorry mio amore, for my behavior, for everything. Forgive me." If Aro cared that he was begging it didn't register. All he cared about was his mate, showing Caius how sorry he was.

"Aro, darling. It's okay. You're forgiven. Now come here." Caius held his arms out the way one would for a hug. Aro didn't say a word, just fell into his mates embrace. It felt like home, and he clung tighter. "I'll come home. But I won't watch you push me away again. I'll leave again if you do. Okay?" Aro looked up at him. " I'm sorry Caius. I swear, I'll never neglect you again." Caius held him tighter. "I know. Come on, I know it's small but I want to show you my cottage!" Aro gave a shaky laugh as his mate helped him stand. "I'll be more than happy to look at it, my darling." Caius tugged him gently inside. Aro watched him, the animated light in his eyes shining for the first time in centuries. He knew they had a long way to go in terms of patching up their relationship, but this? This was a start.


End file.
